Rednecks Landscapen

Redneck Poems

• Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.
• You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo'reas fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.
• You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.
• Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.
• Yo're as cut e as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.
• When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete. Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.
• Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.
• Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger."That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.
• But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yor'e too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, wi thout taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds...... IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!

• Susie Lee fell in love. She planned to marry Joe. She was so happy 'bout it all, she told her Pappy so.
• Pappy told her, "Susie Gal, you'll have to find another. I'd just as soon yo' maw don't know, but Joe is yo' half-brother."
• So Susie forgot about her Joe and planned to marry Will. But, after telling Pappy this, he said, "There's trouble still.
• You can't marry Will, my gal, and please don't tell yo' mother, cause Will and Joe and several mo' I know is yo' half-brother."
• But Mama knew and said "Honey Child, Do what makes yo' happy. Marry Will or marry Joe, you ain't no kin to Pappy!"

• She just won't die My toothless ol' mother She's even outlived Bob My one-eyed half-brother
• Bob was my hubby, too Best one I ever had Better than Fat Jed Who was my dear ol' Dad
• Kids been missin' a man Every last of the twenty-one So I'm thinkin' of marryin' again Got my eye on my eldest son
• If I don't settle with him It'll have to be cousin Jack Cause he's got the biggest damn gun Seen it once in his shack
• Heard tell about it, too Down yonder at the creek When Daisy-Lou-Betty-May Was cryin' as if she sprung a leak
• Said Jack's been stickin' his gun Where he had no right to thrust it 'Course I knew where that was Everywhere, dang bust it!
• Figure I can harness that pistol Live happily with my new man We've all got that right We do it if we can!
• But Mama knew and said "Honey Child, Do what makes yo' happy. Marry Will or marry Joe, you ain't no kin to Pappy!"